33 Week Update

I am almost 34 weeks pregnant now, and can't believe I've done this! I've allowed naked pictures of my tummy to not only be taken, but posted on the internet! If you know me at all, this is not just me leaving my comfort zone...I've left my comfort universe! Still, I'm happy I did it. I have stretch marks, though not as many or as dark as some, and while my belly is pale and fat and flabby in some places...this is my baby! This is the only time in my life I will be pregnant with this child. The only time in my life I will be getting stretch marks because of him or her. (Though I am sure he or she will give me plenty of gray hairs...and I don't know if I'll be sharing those!) My stomach might look worse after this pregnancy than it did before...but to me it is more than worth it, and I finally made the decision to show it off. Surprisingly to everyone, including me, I'm really glad I did!

I had my 33 week appointment back on Wednesday, and everything looks and sounds great. The baby's heartbeat is steady and strong, still in the 150s where it has been lingering for most of the pregnancy. My uterus is measuring 35 weeks instead of 33 and the doctor estimated the babies weight at around 5lbs, which alarmed me! After all, a baby can grow about a pound a week at this point...I could be popping out a 12 pound child! (I know they would take the baby before it got to that point, but even the thought of that is pretty scary!) The doctor was not worried though, so I guess I shouldn't be. Of course, she doesn't have to push the baby out either. Michael seemed downright amused, and not in a flattering way. I think he really got some joy out of my panic. Of course, the baby isn't going to be squeezing out of his private regions either.

My blood pressure was a little high, but it's been creeping up and down all pregnancy. When I went in on Thursday to have it re-checked, it was right back down to normal. I am now officially one pound heavier than I was pre-pregnancy!!! Because I was overweight when the pregnancy started, my doctors are thrilled with this, and I am too! I lost a bunch of weight at the beginning, and have only been very slowly gaining it back. I'll most likely end up lighter than I was pre-pregnancy, which will be a great motivation to get back to the gym when the doctor okays me to.

I'm scheduled for my next appointment the day after St.Patrick's Day, when I will be 36 weeks and 1 day. They are doing my Strep B testing then, which I can't say I am looking forward to, but I also understand it's necessary for a healthy me and a healthy baby. I have an appointment with the anesthesiologist next week, and next weekend are our childbirth classes!!! It's all getting so close, and I am so excited...and nervous!

Thanks for Reading!

Pregnant...NOT Fat!

Today was NOT a good day for a pregnant woman's self-esteem...Not a good day at all.

I'd gotten an appointment with my PCM for my foot. About 4 weeks back I noticed that I was having some swelling and bruising and was a little worried that I might have a small fracture in one of my small bones on the top of my foot. I had been hoping the pain would go away, but it's still here after 4 weeks, though some days it is much worse than others. I decided it was time to see a doctor about it, and my appointment was this morning.

I suppose that I should have had some kind of warning what kind of day it was going to be when I walked out of the house and promptly did a face plant on the driveway! (I did NOT go flat on my face, but caught myself on my hands and knees, saving the baby, but badly bruising my pride...not to mention scraping up my palms and knees.) Poor Michael was close enough to SEE it, but not close enough to catch me, and responded to that frustration by scolding me thoroughly for having the audacity to walk out the back door without his help! (I understand that the scolding was an attempt, though failed, to hide the worry that he felt at watching his wife and child plummet towards the pavement with little grace, so I took it and assured him that I was fine and would never again attempt to exit the house without his assistance!) I did not take the fall as the warning that I should have on how the rest of my day was going to go. If I had, I would have turned around, walked into the house and curled up in bed, not to be seen for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, I was rather cheery about it, since the baby and I had come to no real harm, and we went off to the hospital in complete ignorance of how the rest of the morning would go.

The nurse who took me back was polite enough, asking when I was due and if it was our first and if I was excited...and then proceeded to tell me that swelling was completely common in a pregnant woman's feet, giving me a LOOK that clearly let me know I was wasting her time. I responded by informing her that it was localized swelling and bruising, and was NOT in my feet and ankles but just this ONE spot on my ONE foot. I told her, in a very polite way, that I was fully aware that pregnant women have swelling, but that I HADN'T had any swelling that was pregnancy related at all, and that I knew better than to come to a doctor for swollen pregnancy ankles. She went to get the doctor, informing me in a bit of a huff that he would be in shortly. Even Michael raised his eyebrows, and not much surprises or ruffles him, though he assured me that I had been polite and that she had no reason to be upset with me.

Then came the doctor, who I'd never met before, but that is to be expected. I was telling him my symptoms and letting him know what's going on when he asked me if I had taken anything for the pain. I informed him that I had tried Tylenol, since that's all I can really take right now, to which he exclaimed "Oh, are you pregnant?" Now,I have posted pictures recently so feel free to tell me if I'm wrong, but while I was never a pixie, I think it's pretty darn obvious at this point that I'm pregnant. After all, I look like an obscenely obese hippo, but my belly isn't jiggily or flabby...just full of baby. Still, you don't look at an Officer and say "Well DUH!", so I told him that Yes, I was pregnant and was almost 33 weeks along. He looked surprised in a way that was very unflattering, and I almost asked him why else he thought I would be taking pre-natal vitamins, since he had my list of prescription meds right in front of him.

He finally looked at my foot, and seemed to decide that I did NOT just have swollen pregnancy ankles. (I was ever so flattered when he decided I wasn't an idiot.) He poked and prodded the swollen bruise for awhile, and then sat back looking puzzled. He said there was a possibility, since I couldn't remember doing anything specific TO it, that I had a stress fracture...and then made an attempt at a tactful mention of how that could be a possibility since I had "obviously gained some weight during pregnancy..." Again, you do not scream at an officer "So you're saying I broke my foot because I have a fat ass?" but I am not sure what my face must have looked like when I said "Actually I've lost weight..." and the look of absolute SHOCK on his made me want to fall into a hole in the ground, despite the fact that he quickly tried to cover it up with "Oh, well that's great!" He must not have have a wife or daughters.

He had to make some phone calls up to the Baby Doctors to make sure that I was safe for an x-ray at 33 weeks, and once it was determined that it WAS, we headed down to the Radiology people...who are the same people where I had my terrible ultrasound experience. Still, this was just an x-ray, how bad could it be? (Why do I even ASK that anymore?)

The woman who checked me in smiled at my stomach and asked how I was feeling, and made sure that the doctor had checked that the x-ray was okay, so obviously SHE could tell I was pregnant...but the young man who walked me back was clearly not clued in. First of all, he acted like we were walking a timed marathon! Had I been able to, I would have been jogging to keep up...as it was I just waddled in fast motion, amusing myself by imagining what I must look like trying to keep up with him. (I was still a good 20 feet back when he arrived at the x-ray room.) As we walked in he gave me the speal about where to sit and then asked "Is there any chance you might be pregnant?" By this point I was not feeling very gracious and I responded with "Well YEAH.", to which he goes "You could be?" and I snapped back "Seriously?" while pointing to my OBVIOUSLY swollen stomach and giving him a Look. I felt a little bad at his sheepish smile, but stopped feeling bad when he told me that we couldn't do the x-ray then. I informed him that it had been okayed by the baby people upstairs and that I was almost 33 weeks along, and he ran off to double check.

Again, I got okayed, and he said we would just double shield me, though I had to sign a little thing saying that I "might' be pregnant and understood the risk. Well, my oh-so-polite ultrasound tech was the one assisting him with x-rays, (she was a complete bee with a itch last time with absolutely no bedside manner, and nothing seems to have changed) and when I commented that I figured there wasn't much more of a risk to the baby than to me at this point (since the baby is pretty much developed now, and is just putting on some extra weight and working out his/her little lungs), she cheerfully told me that I was wrong. The baby is still developing it's brain and reproductive organs and all that very important stuff, which makes this a MUCH larger risk to my child than to me...Though not much more of a risk than if I had spent a week out in the sun. I countered that since the baby doctors had okayed it, I wasn't too worried since they knew what they were doing...to which she SNORTED and said "Yeah...right" before stalking back to the little room where they get all the slides ready. So, I guess in 30 years if my child can't reproduce, it's my fault.

They wanted x-rays with weight on my foot, so I was going to be standing. This seems very easy, until they put 2 lead aprons on. Now, I'm not complaining about this part, since it was for the baby's safety...but if you've ever been pregnant, you know that you already feel a little off centered and front heavy by 33 weeks...add two heavy lead aprons and I was pretty sure I was going to fall forward on my face again! (I didn't, but I ALMOST did.) They took 2 and then had me walk up a 3 stair platform to get my last. Walking up was not so bad, but walking down with both baby and lead vests pulling me forward was amusing to say the least.

When I put all of it together in my mind as I put back on my shoe, (an operation that I huffed and puffed through, as I can't bend over that far anymore...Michael has had to tie my sneakers for the last week or so...it's very humbling to have to ask your husband to help you put on your shoes) I was very happy to get out of there and waddled quickly back to Michael in the waiting room, where I informed him (probably a little louder than I should have) that the hospital was full of monkeys for doctors and demanded that he tell me if I really just looked like a morbidly obese woman instead of a beautifully glowing pregnant one!!! He had the audacity (or perhaps bravery, I was a little too emotional to tell) to look amused, though he assured me through his smirk that HE thought I looked pregnant and not just really, REALLY fat! To be honest though, to say anything else would have been a risk to his life I'm not sure he would have taken.

All in all, I was quite glad to get home, and have no intention of leaving again until the baby is 6 months old and I am back to looking just a bit fluffy...or better, since I HAVE lost weight!

Honestly, I know I will look back on this and laugh...one day. Today, it was just knock after knock on my self-esteem, and I don't feel any pregnant woman needs that 7 weeks from delivery. I'm actually looking forward to my OB appointment on Wednesday, as those people will KNOW I'm pregnant and not just TERRIBLY fat!!!

Thanks for Reading!

Notice of Eviction

Eviction Notice

Pursuant to the provisions of this pregnancy, you are hereby given an eviction notice and notice to vacate, on or before April, 14, 2009, the premises and appurtenances owned by Mommy, which premises are now occupied by you.

The reason for this eviction notice is:

The current tenant has 60 days to gather his/her belongings and vacate the premises. After which she/he will be physically removed from the property. Occupant is being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the front of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made.

Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. Due to property damage caused by these unapproved renovations, there are now leaks in both the upper and lower levels of the home.

On top of which, the landlord has received numerous complaints about nightly disturbances.

After 60 days from this day if you don't comply with this notice it will result in immediate and forceful removal at my discretion.

Dated: February, 13, 2009

So Sick...

...of people! Not so much the people, but the stupid things people seem to say without thinking about it at all! I mean, there are the obvious...like I don't want to hear "Oh my, look how big you're getting!!! You're going to be huge by April!" or "It's going to hurt soooo much! You'd better get an epi!"

The thing really bothering me at the moment though is everyone having an opinion on my baby shower, or lack there of.

With my husband being in the Air Force, we are about 2,000 miles away from home right now, and have not had the finances or opportunity to take a trip home during the pregnancy. Had we been closer to home, the issue with a shower would have been people fighting over who got to throw it, (It's the first grandchild on my side and a miracle on both sides, since we were very likely never supposed to get pregnant.) but out here I've had everyone asking me about it for months, but no one to throw it for me. It is 2009, so I had decided to throw etiquette out the window and try to organize it with the help of my husband. (We had planned on a co-ed shower since a good number of our friends are men.)

Well, we just can't do it. Between the issue of where to have it and other baby related things we need to spend money on, not to mention the pure amount of energy and time that goes into planing something like that, (and I am short on both at the moment.) we just aren't going to be able to swing it. I have been telling people this for quite awhile now, trying to prepare them and hoping that letting them know that I just can't do it on top of everything else will mean they will stop asking. After all, it makes me feel like absolute shit that my first child won't have a baby shower because we're 2,000 miles away from anyone who we're close enough to that might throw us one.

Instead of people letting it go though, I've just been bombarded with "Well, can't you do this?" and "Surely you could afford to do that!" and pressure from nearly every side to somehow make it work. Perhaps people are just trying to be helpful, but the reality is that it just makes me feel that everyone wants an excuse to have a party and expects me to throw it, and I just find myself wanting to scream at them "If you want the damn shower so much, how about you be a friend and plan the damn thing?!!!" After all, it is not like my husband and I have not done favors for and been good friends to other people, and all I'm getting from everyone is that they want me to have a shower, but no one wants to actually be the one to throw it.

Almost worse than the people who just don't seem to get that I can't financially, emotionally or physically plan a shower right now, are the people who act like I have no right to be disappointed and say "Oh well, you can just have one next time!" Now, I don't know how most people feel about their showers, since this is my first child, but the shower is not for ME. It's a celebration for my baby and for my miracle pregnancy, which means I can't just "have one next time". There won't be a next time!!! This is the only time I will be pregnant with this child and my first pregnancy. Yes, I could have a shower for my next child, but it's not like it will be some replacement for the fact that I didn't get to have a shower with this one. It will be a celebration of my next child, and I will still have missed out on the shower to celebrate my first. And I have the right to be disappointed about that! I'm not moping around or griping about it to strangers on the street, but I do feel that I have the right to feel a little let down and the right to blog about it if I so wish to vent my feelings that way. If people don't like it, they don't have to read, but I certainly don't need comments about how I shouldn't be upset or how I can just make up for it "next time".

Not to mention, I might never get this chance again. I know that some women take for granted their ability to get pregnant...After all, some of them seem to need only to look at their husbands to end up popping out another child. For me though, I can't take any pregnancy lightly or assume that I will have another chance at it. Medical science still can not explain how my body managed to get pregnant, much less sustain it this long. God has blessed us with this child, but that does not mean He'll see fit to do so again. After all, there are thousands of couples out there who would make amazing parents that never get blessed with a pregnancy, so I think it would be pretty cocky of me to assume that because I was blessed with this one I will be blessed again. I obviously hope, but to just take it as a given seems to me to be terribly ungrateful for this blessing, and I will not throw such a gift back into God's face. The notion that keeps getting thrown into my face of "next time" is simply annoying and makes me feel like people honestly don't understand what it's like to relish every moment of a thing, and every experience, because it might never pass your way again. I don't think for a minute that my friends understand how hurt I feel when they start throwing around "next time" and "no big deal", because I don't think any of them would try to hurt me intentionally, but I wish that people would stop and think before they let things come flying out of their mouth. I know that I try to when I am am talking to people about what could be a sensitive subject, and the baby shower (while it might seem petty) and pregnancy certainly is that to me.

Even if getting pregnant for me was just as easy as drinking water, I still feel to talk about "next time" so casually is like throwing one of life's greatest blessings aside like a used tissue. If I knew for sure that I would get pregnant again and be able to have many more children, I would still feel disappointed that I am going to miss out on the shower for this child this time...It is a little thing, and will not matter in the end when I am holding my perfect little miracle in my arms, but I am still entitled to feel disappointment, and am sick of people acting like I am not.

I know that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is mine...

Think before you speak, especially when you are talking to the conflicting and volatile ball of emotions and hormones that is a pregnant woman.

Thanks for reading!

My First...A Preview

I suppose I should have done this months ago, but who has the time? I've been so busy with baby preparations and worries that the 30 week point has crept up on me before I knew it!

Yes, here I am, 30 weeks and a bit...which leaves me at less than 10 weeks until our child is set to arrive. While every baby is certainly a miracle, I feel that mine is one of the most amazing blessings in life, possibly because the doctors left me little hope that my husband and I would ever conceive naturally.

I'm a natural blogger...I'm a natural writer, and blogging is just another outlet for that. I blog constantly, but I wanted to start a blog that is 100% devoted to my life and thoughts as a Mommy. There has been so much running through my head and mind these last 30 weeks that I would like to write about and share with others, and this is my opportunity!

I hope to write often, and hope that others will enjoy, or at least be amused, by my attempts to express my feelings adequately through the limitations of the English language.

Thanks for reading!