So, tonight is a full moon, which is supposed to have something to do with labor. Apparently the moon's gravitational pull can do something to the waters in your uterus the same way they can the waters in the ocean...I have no clue how true this is, but I'm grasping at straws here.

I've considered going out in the yard and doing a Labor Dance (possibly naked...I don't know how this works you know and I must try everything) under the full moon, but have figured I'd just end up with some very confused neighbors...and possibly Security Forces getting called on me! I certainly wouldn't want to go into labor in a military jail cell! lol!

Only 5 days until we're due, and it looks like I'm going to make my appointment tomorrow morning. Boo! As long as Baby is healthy, it's fine, but I AM getting super excited and slightly impatient to meet our Little One. After all, I've waited for this for a very long time, and now it's SOOOOOO close, but unlike something like a birthday or Christmas, I don't know EXACTLY how close it is! It could be anytime between now and the 28th (which is when I would be 2 weeks overdue and they would HAVE to induce me!) and it is SO hard waiting and not knowing how much longer I have to wait!

I have felt very "heavy" the last couple of days. I don't know what that means, but I'm hoping it means the baby has dropped a LOT. After all, that means Baby is ready to come soon, right?

Thanks for Reading

April

Well, I made it! It's April, and the month that I will have our baby. Even if I go 2 weeks over (please no, please no), which is the longest they'll let me go without an induction, our baby will still be here before the month is out.

I remember when we found out in August. I was only 4 weeks pregnant when we found out, and I thought that there was NO WAY I'd make it until April to meet our baby. Now April is here, and I'm actually torn. I'm ready to meet him/her. I'm ready to see what they look like and act like. Will he/she have hair? Will it be curly? What color eyes will be staring up at me the first time we come face to face? (How bad will labor be is a question that keeps popping into the forefront of my mind, but one I try not to dwell on.)

Months of worry and waiting...wondering if my body was going to betray us at every turn...and now here we are, April 1st, and our baby will be out in thee world any day now.

As ready as I am, I am going to miss being pregnant. (I am looking forward to getting my body back though!) I'll miss the kicks and the just us time. The bonding is so...well, it's not describable, but...WOW. I am sure I'll miss the convenience of not having to change diapers! lol! Still, the last two or three days have gotten increasingly uncomfortable very quickly. I am nauseous and tired and feel so very stretched to my limit...literally and figuratively. Added to the fact that we've now made it to April...I'm ready!

I still insist that I do NOT want the baby out until he/she is fully developed and ready...but the minute they are I have given specific instructions that he/she is NOT to dilly dally around in there. (Not that I expect my child to listen...it's MY child after all!) I figure that there is a more than cooked baby in there right now, just adding on a couple of extra pounds so that Mommy will be sure to rip 8 ways from Sunday! That would be just like my Little Bunny Boo.

I was very, VERY tempted to use my condition as an advantage today...after all, who would have even thought to question me if I had called and said I was in labor? No one would have probably even considered the date until I cheerfully cried out "April Fools!!!"...but I also figured God would get me good if I did something like that, and I'd probably be pregnant until Christmas! So...I didn't. Not to anyone. Still, I can't shake the feeling that I'm passing up a WONDERFUL chance that I'll probably never have again. What are the chances I'll be pregnant and this close to delivering ever again on April Fools Day? *sigh* Darn my conscience!

My next appointment is Friday morning. Hoping for more progress!!!

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Take THAT Medical Science!

After being told since I was 19 that I might never get pregnant, and that if I did I would have a hard time carrying a baby to term...I AM 37 WEEKS TODAY!!! Not only did I successfully get pregnant, but I have no carried a child to full term!

Michael thinks I'm nuts (but he never had any faith in doctors anyways, so wasn't as worried as I was about our chances to be parents) but I am over the moon!!! 3 weeks until my due date, and I can not wait to meet my little miracle!!!

Just had to share...I am too excited!

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36 Weeks & Counting

My 36 week appointment was today. It was good and embarrassing and a little disappointing...

While most of the doctors in Women's Health are female, I had met one male doctor, an older, grandfatherly type doctor. Having him was fine when I did, because there was no inspection of my "no-no spots"...but they went and snuck another male doctor in, a much younger male doctor, and I had him today of all days! Today was my wonderful Strep-B test! For anyone who doesn't know, the Strep-B test involves two swabs, one vaginal and one anal swab. They are checking for the infection because, while it doesn't hurt Mommy, it can make the baby very, very sick if it's not treated. If I am positive (which I'll find out next week) I'll just have to have antibiotics during labor...no biggie!

But...I have never, ever had a male down there poking around other than my husband! So for me to have some strange doctor come in and shake my hand and then go "Now let me invade your most intimate parts with a q-tip!" (he didn't actually SAY that, but it FELT that way!) almost sent me into a panic! I was so tempted to go "You know what, we can do this another time! Like when I'm seeing a female doctor!" Michael, who knows my feelings about male doctors and anything below my waist, just sat there looking amused and smug. This is a look he wears quite frequently lately where all this baby stuff is involved...I suppose he can afford to look smug, since the baby is not coming out of any part of HIM. I know I should get used to it. After all, it could be a male delivering me, and some of the maternity nurses are male...but since I'm not in labor, it's still something I'm pretty self-conscious and shy about. (Everyone says I won't care while I'm in labor...We'll see. I'm pretty private about such things. I even have a hard time asking my husband to help me trim up down there, and we're MARRIED!)

I had hoped, since he'd be down there poking around anyways, that he'd at least check to see if I was dilated at all...but no such luck! I was so bummed out, but he said since I'm not having any regular contractions that I am aware of, it was pointless. I know it's an every day thing for him, but it didn't seem pointless to me...But I'm not the M.D. either. He had also said that they wouldn't see me back until 38 weeks...at which point I almost cried! What, so I'm never going to have weekly appointments? When I went to make my appointment though, the nurse said that they would want to see me every week at this point, so she made my appointment for next week instead of 2 weeks, which made me happy again. She said he had done that before, but that here the other doctors would want me to be coming in ever week. (I am assuming he's new here. I know different places have different policies on that kind of stuff.) So, from now on I will be having weekly appointments until the baby arrives! So, a little disappointment followed by some good news too! I like that...it's balanced!

The baby's heartbeat is still steady in the 150s, though Baby likes to hide from the monitor! I have actually lost a pound and a half in the last 3 weeks, which isn't concerning the doctors so I guess it shouldn't concern me...but it puts me back down under my pre-pregnancy weight again. Still, we know the baby is growing. The doctor poked around on my tummy, and said that the baby is head down (which is right where it should be at this point) and he's guessing about 6 and a half pounds! Since babies usually gain about a half a pound a week at this point, he's guessing I'll have about an 8 and a half pound baby! I of course looked at my stomach in a near panic and ordered my child to stop growing this instant, while the doctor looked amused and Michael giggled and looked smug again. (He really did giggle too...he is enjoying all this way too much at the moment, and I'm wondering if he'll feel differently when it's actually time. Stupid boys have it too easy!)

EIGHT AND A HALF POUNDS?!!! (Of course, doctors guesses can be wrong, especially when they are doing it by feel...so I could have a smaller baby...or a larger one...I suppose it's to be expected though, since I was 8lbs 7oz. Baby is taking after Mommy. Bad, bad baby!)

That's about it. Nothing super exciting! I was violated with a q-tip in ways I don't even want to think about, I'm losing weight still, baby is gaining weight still and Michael is being far too smug about the entire situation. All good news, and I'll be back NEXT Wednesday to find out if I'm dilating at all. (Unless, of course, the baby decides to come before then. I still say, whenever baby is 100% ready and healthy, they can come! I want to meet my little one!!!)

Thanks for Reading!

Surprise!!!

I got thrown a surprise Baby Shower on Saturday! I really was surprised too, and so very touched...and slightly overwhelmed...there were a lot of people there and I tend to get shy with that many eyes being exclusively on me...being on stage is one thing, but being surrounded at a close proximity like that is quite another! It's intimidating to walk into a house and have a bunch of people yell "surprise" at you and take pictures while balloons fall on your head! (They had rigged up a pull thingy that dropped balloons on me when I came in. I felt famous!) The first little people to greet me though WERE the "little people", as children had been invited as well, and that was a bit of a comfort. It's hard to feel intimidated by grinning 2 year olds batting balloons around your feet. (Though, they kept walking in the "blind spot" caused by my belly, so I was forever worried that I was going to step on one of them!)

I'm not complaining AT ALL though! I was SUPER touched, and had a really good time...I was just overwhelmed at first. (And mortified that Michael had led me there without hinting that I might want to do my hair or put on a little make-up!!! Thank goodness he made sure I was wearing decent clothes, as I often go out in baggy sweatshirts and PJ bottoms these days if we're not going anywhere special!) Of course, Michael had been in on it, not to mention almost every person I know on this base...and not a ONE of them let anything slip! Even the guys in Michael's shop, who I had spent dinner with the night before, hadn't let a thing slip, though they were all in on it!

My friend Amanda organized it and had it at her house! I could have kissed her!!! She obviously put so much had work into it, and it was wonderful! The house was decorated beautifully, in my favorite colors too!!! (She had been doing covert research for weeks and weeks!!!) She had a TON of games for us to play, all of them amusing and entertaining!!! There was a cake and food and drinks...She even made me a diaper cake!!! I'll never, ever pull it apart to use though...it's just too darn pretty! (I will probably have it when I'm 80...won't people find me odd!) I even have a vase of "lolly pops" made out of baby wash cloths! (Something else I'll never use, but will probably use as decoration in Baby's room! We had yummy, Easter colored candy, bar-b-q food, including Sargent Flo's famous ribs!!! (These things really are a legend in the shop too!!! SOOOOOO good!!!) Amanda had even made sure there were people there to take pictures, since she knew I wouldn't know ahead of time to bring my camera! (I can't BELIEVE Michael didn't make sure I was in make-up!!! Or that my hair was half way decent!!! As usual these days, it was just thrown up and back to be out of my way!!!) We had party favors and gifts...it was just so much fun, and I can't believe everyone knew, and knew that I was bemoaning not being home so I could have a shower, and NO ONE said ANYTHING. (I honestly felt like an ass...After all, I really had been bummed out about the lack of shower, but had figured it was just part of being away from home for the pregnancy. And then my friends go and do this for me after listening to me lament...I really do need to have more faith in people's goodness every once in awhile!)

We got some amazing gifts (baby blankets are SOOOOO much softer than grown up ones!!! Why is that?)...and more diapers than I know what to do with!!! We have 350 Newborn Diapers, 296 Size 1 Diapers, 172 Size 2 Diapers, and even 72 Size 3 Diapers...plus one pack of adult Depends diapers. (One of the guys there is only 19, and looked completely forlorn, saying "The invitation just said "diapers..." I have never laughed like that, though I was careful not to do it in front of him!!!) We also have over 650 baby wipes!!! I've never been so overwhelmed by diapers in my life, and have spent the last 2 days trying to figure out where to put them all!!! We also have about a billion extra bottles now, more onsies, a travel first aid kit...there is just so much STUFF!!! I love it, and feel even more prepared now than I did!!!

It was just such a good time, and I was SOOOO touched...not just for me, but for Michael! There were more guys there than girls, all from Michael's shop, even the young single ones who must think having a baby is paramount to the end of your life...but they came to show their support and love for us and our Baby!!! (Well, and the guys got to play poker!!! Amanda even made a prize up for them with a wrestling champion belt and beer! lol! It looked REALLY cool!!!) It was just so NEAT!!! I've had a baby shower!!!

We got so much stuff that it took 2 trips to drive it from Amanda's house to ours, and I've spent much of the last two days trying to get it all put in its place. (Until I do, we don't have a kitchen table!) I even got TWO bunches of balloons!!! Inflated ones that float!!! I've never had TWO bunches of balloons got for me before!!! I don't know if I've even had ONE!!!!

I feel so special!!!

I didn't get to take many pictures myself, but will have more sent to me from different people in the next few days I am sure, and I will be sure to share!!!

Baby's First Easter Basket

I did the baby's Easter basket today. Goodness knows now that I've done it the baby will be 2 weeks late and it will be a completely moot point...but goodness also knows that if I hadn't made it up, my Little One would have come early and I would have felt like the worst mommy ever for not having an Easter basket ready for their first Easter! (I am due 2 days after Easter this year, but you never know after all!)

Blowing My...Nose?

If you have a queasy stomach...or are a man, I wouldn't suggest reading this one! lol! Even my dear husband doesn't want to hear about my possible mucus plug, and he's been very cool and understanding about all the grossest parts of pregnancy.

Here I am with less than 5 weeks to go, and all week I've been feeling different. I've been less and less comfortable, I've been more and more nauseous, my nesting has calmed a little bit, but I still feel the need to clean...(I'm just not cleaning so much I'm scraping paint off the stove anymore!) I just feel different! There is more pressure and more of what I think are Braxton Hicks contractions. (I'm really not sure, having never experienced them before, but they sound like what has been described.) Oh, and I'm in the bathroom every 5 minutes...either peeing or "the other one". Michael is kind of blowing it off as "wishful thinking" on my part, and maybe it is. This close to the end, I am very much looking forward to meeting my baby! (Even if I'm not looking forward to how the baby must get here!) This thing is, I have NO reason to think I'll have this baby early! I have had a shockingly easy pregnancy...sure I had morning sickness for 20 weeks, but considering the doctors have no clue how I managed to get pregnant, or if I'd be able to stay that way, this has been a very, very easy pregnancy for me!

Easy enough that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things don't usually come this easily for me, especially things I want so very badly...I'm just worried that it has been so easy and now something is going to hit me from the side here at the end!

I HAVE felt like I might be "damper" down there the last few days, but am not sure if I might have a small amniotic leak or if I'm just not as in control of my bladder as I used to be. (I pee myself almost every time I sneeze or cough or laugh now...it's really embarrassing, and I hope I go back to normal when the Little One gets here!) Then today, I go to the bathroom for the upteenth time and find a little wad of what looks like snotty mucus on the toilet paper after I wipe. It literally looked like I blew my nose...but from "down there". There was no bloody tinge to it, but I don't know if that happens all the time or not. I do know that you can lose your mucus plug in bits and pieces, and that it can happen for WEEKS before you actually go into labor, but it still alarmed me a bit. I feel ready, but what if I'm not??? What if the baby isn't yet, but comes early anyways???

I told the baby, as soon as he/she is ready, 100% ready, (lungs, organs, brain function, etc.) they can come...though I did request that they wait until after this weekend. (We are doing my belly cast this weekend, and I really want to get that done! We're also cleaning out the car and installing the car seat.) While I have no reason to think s/he is coming early, I just feel like I need to be ready NOW. We even bought the stuff today for an Easter basket, even though I'm not due until 2 days after Easter...I would feel like such a terrible mother if my baby didn't have an Easter basket their first Easter!

I'm wondering if I'm nuts and this really is just wishful thinking, or if some kind of mothering instinct is kicking in and letting me know that I need to be ready now! I guess I'll find out soon enough!

Thanks for Reading!

The big 3-5!

No, I am not turning 35...Though that little milestone is closer than I would like, even at a decade away...No, today is the day I am 35 weeks pregnant, which also leaves 35 days until the Baby's due date! I can't believe that it is so close, or that I have come so far!

If I could be 100% sure that the baby was 100% ready, I would say it would be wonderful to have the baby next week on St.Patrick's Day!!! My heritage is Irish on my Dad's side, and it is something that is VERY important in our family! It is also Shamrock's (my darling cat!) 15th birthday! I will be 36 weeks exactly on the day, and I think it would be kind of neat to have a "holiday baby", without it being something HUGE like Christmas. On the other hand, many babies are NOT ready at 36 weeks, and if the baby is not ready, I don't want him/her to come early. I'd rather be pregnant another 5 weeks than have an early baby who had to struggle. I can deal with the discomfort better than the Little One can I think.

I do feel more ready though. Our pack n play arrived today, and will be set up in our room tonight. (The baby will be sleeping in our room the first few months...at my hubby's request! I was surprised, but touched.) We have 2 swings, one in the nursery and one in the living room, (which I put together all by myself, thank you very much!) bottles and clothes are washed and waiting, the Baby's bag is packed and ready, and ours is almost ready...The stroller and car seat are here, though the stroller is not together yet. (I might need hubby's help with that one! It's HEAVY!) Even if our car isn't fixed by the time the baby gets here (it broke down a few weeks ago and hubby and some guys from the shop are fixing it) we have people willing to loan us a car to bring the baby home in. (We are currently using a pick up truck, but it will NOT be okayed by the hospital to bring the baby home in...I don't even think the car seat will fit in the back!) We have diapers and wipes and blankets and sleepers and every last thing I can think of or find on a list saying it's good to have when the baby comes home.

I even feel a little better about the house. (Which really isn't in bad shape at all, but I am nesting like CRAZY, so I'm going nuts cleaning!) Hubby has been helping a lot, and it looks pretty good. I wish I had more laundry done, but that is a never ending battle! The nursery is not done AT ALL, though everything is IN it. The crib is not set up, the shelves are not stocked, the curtains are not hung...but the weekends that should have been spent on it have been spent on the car, and it won't be terrible if the baby comes before the nursery is done, as the baby will be sleeping in our room for a few months anyways.

My parents will be arriving in May, and we will be having a shower/meet n greet/bar-b-q the weekend they are here so everyone can meet the Little One and have a good time! I even already have the invites done for that on PSP, they just have to be finished with a pic of the baby and then printed out.

I'm glad I'm feeling more ready, because I'm also feeling "different" the last few days. I'm a little more tired and have been waking up with headaches. I'm going to the bathroom a lot, both ways, and there is an increase in my general discomfort. I have no idea if these are signs or if I'm just feeling more pregnant, and I can't really describe all of it, but I do feel different, and it is comforting that if the baby does chose to make an early appearance I at least feel like we are more ready for it!

5 weeks to go, give or take! I can't believe it! I am so excited...and nervous...but more excited!

Thanks for Reading!

Dreaming of Baby

I had a baby dream last night!!! In this one, our little one was a little girl...the most beautiful child you have ever seen! She wasn't very old, but wasn't a new born either, and apparently Michael had talked me into getting her ears pierced early. (I don't think this will happen in real life, but dream baby had pretty little gold balls in her ears...just perfect and dainty for such a beautiful girl!) She had such large, dancing eyes, that just sparkled at everything around her like the whole world was a beautiful place, and lashes like you wouldn't believe!!!

We were at some kind of Mommy & Me swimming class...no idea why, because none of the babies there were very old (all were between 6 months and a year), but she kept doing the cutest thing. She'd slam her little hands down into the water and then bring them up real fast, clenched in fists, as though she was trying to hold the water up to show me! She never got frustrated that it wasn't working...she just laughed and laughed and tried again and again to hold the water up to show Mommy! She was giggling and I was laughing...it was such a wonderful dream!!!

And SOOOO real!! The love I felt for this little child was...well, not something that I could describe even if I were a much better writer...and I could actually FEEL her in my arms. I could feel the water and feel the splashes...I can even tell you what she was wearing! (It was the cutest little purple bathing suit, with a matching hair band...she didn't have much hair yet, but what she did have was very light and fine and soft...mine was also very light in color when I was about her age.) She was just so beautiful and happy...it was the most detailed dream I have had about the baby so far, and when I woke up I just wrapped my arms around my belly and said "She likes to swim!" (Which confused the heck out of Michael until I explained, at which point he just smiled that dopey little smile I'm beginning to think of as a baby drunk smile! Like when your drunk with happiness, but it's BABY happiness!!!)

So, as sure as I was a few weeks ago that it was a boy, I am now even more sure it is a girl!!! I have no "mothering instincts", though I have been told that I SHOULD, and that I will "know" what it is...I don't. My mind changes between boy and girl, though I feel more sure now than I ever have. Of course, that will mean the baby will come out a little boy! lol!

What's wonderful is that is honestly isn't something Michael or I care about either way. We're prepared for a girl and call the baby "she"...but we had both always wanted a boy first, so if it comes out a boy, we're prepared for that too! I know that some people really care and get really upset if they don't get what they wanted first, but we honestly couldn't care less, as long as s/he is healthy and safe when they come!!!

It was just such an amazing dream!!!

Thanks for Reading

33 Week Update

I am almost 34 weeks pregnant now, and can't believe I've done this! I've allowed naked pictures of my tummy to not only be taken, but posted on the internet! If you know me at all, this is not just me leaving my comfort zone...I've left my comfort universe! Still, I'm happy I did it. I have stretch marks, though not as many or as dark as some, and while my belly is pale and fat and flabby in some places...this is my baby! This is the only time in my life I will be pregnant with this child. The only time in my life I will be getting stretch marks because of him or her. (Though I am sure he or she will give me plenty of gray hairs...and I don't know if I'll be sharing those!) My stomach might look worse after this pregnancy than it did before...but to me it is more than worth it, and I finally made the decision to show it off. Surprisingly to everyone, including me, I'm really glad I did!

I had my 33 week appointment back on Wednesday, and everything looks and sounds great. The baby's heartbeat is steady and strong, still in the 150s where it has been lingering for most of the pregnancy. My uterus is measuring 35 weeks instead of 33 and the doctor estimated the babies weight at around 5lbs, which alarmed me! After all, a baby can grow about a pound a week at this point...I could be popping out a 12 pound child! (I know they would take the baby before it got to that point, but even the thought of that is pretty scary!) The doctor was not worried though, so I guess I shouldn't be. Of course, she doesn't have to push the baby out either. Michael seemed downright amused, and not in a flattering way. I think he really got some joy out of my panic. Of course, the baby isn't going to be squeezing out of his private regions either.

My blood pressure was a little high, but it's been creeping up and down all pregnancy. When I went in on Thursday to have it re-checked, it was right back down to normal. I am now officially one pound heavier than I was pre-pregnancy!!! Because I was overweight when the pregnancy started, my doctors are thrilled with this, and I am too! I lost a bunch of weight at the beginning, and have only been very slowly gaining it back. I'll most likely end up lighter than I was pre-pregnancy, which will be a great motivation to get back to the gym when the doctor okays me to.

I'm scheduled for my next appointment the day after St.Patrick's Day, when I will be 36 weeks and 1 day. They are doing my Strep B testing then, which I can't say I am looking forward to, but I also understand it's necessary for a healthy me and a healthy baby. I have an appointment with the anesthesiologist next week, and next weekend are our childbirth classes!!! It's all getting so close, and I am so excited...and nervous!

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Pregnant...NOT Fat!

Today was NOT a good day for a pregnant woman's self-esteem...Not a good day at all.

I'd gotten an appointment with my PCM for my foot. About 4 weeks back I noticed that I was having some swelling and bruising and was a little worried that I might have a small fracture in one of my small bones on the top of my foot. I had been hoping the pain would go away, but it's still here after 4 weeks, though some days it is much worse than others. I decided it was time to see a doctor about it, and my appointment was this morning.

I suppose that I should have had some kind of warning what kind of day it was going to be when I walked out of the house and promptly did a face plant on the driveway! (I did NOT go flat on my face, but caught myself on my hands and knees, saving the baby, but badly bruising my pride...not to mention scraping up my palms and knees.) Poor Michael was close enough to SEE it, but not close enough to catch me, and responded to that frustration by scolding me thoroughly for having the audacity to walk out the back door without his help! (I understand that the scolding was an attempt, though failed, to hide the worry that he felt at watching his wife and child plummet towards the pavement with little grace, so I took it and assured him that I was fine and would never again attempt to exit the house without his assistance!) I did not take the fall as the warning that I should have on how the rest of my day was going to go. If I had, I would have turned around, walked into the house and curled up in bed, not to be seen for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, I was rather cheery about it, since the baby and I had come to no real harm, and we went off to the hospital in complete ignorance of how the rest of the morning would go.

The nurse who took me back was polite enough, asking when I was due and if it was our first and if I was excited...and then proceeded to tell me that swelling was completely common in a pregnant woman's feet, giving me a LOOK that clearly let me know I was wasting her time. I responded by informing her that it was localized swelling and bruising, and was NOT in my feet and ankles but just this ONE spot on my ONE foot. I told her, in a very polite way, that I was fully aware that pregnant women have swelling, but that I HADN'T had any swelling that was pregnancy related at all, and that I knew better than to come to a doctor for swollen pregnancy ankles. She went to get the doctor, informing me in a bit of a huff that he would be in shortly. Even Michael raised his eyebrows, and not much surprises or ruffles him, though he assured me that I had been polite and that she had no reason to be upset with me.

Then came the doctor, who I'd never met before, but that is to be expected. I was telling him my symptoms and letting him know what's going on when he asked me if I had taken anything for the pain. I informed him that I had tried Tylenol, since that's all I can really take right now, to which he exclaimed "Oh, are you pregnant?" Now,I have posted pictures recently so feel free to tell me if I'm wrong, but while I was never a pixie, I think it's pretty darn obvious at this point that I'm pregnant. After all, I look like an obscenely obese hippo, but my belly isn't jiggily or flabby...just full of baby. Still, you don't look at an Officer and say "Well DUH!", so I told him that Yes, I was pregnant and was almost 33 weeks along. He looked surprised in a way that was very unflattering, and I almost asked him why else he thought I would be taking pre-natal vitamins, since he had my list of prescription meds right in front of him.

He finally looked at my foot, and seemed to decide that I did NOT just have swollen pregnancy ankles. (I was ever so flattered when he decided I wasn't an idiot.) He poked and prodded the swollen bruise for awhile, and then sat back looking puzzled. He said there was a possibility, since I couldn't remember doing anything specific TO it, that I had a stress fracture...and then made an attempt at a tactful mention of how that could be a possibility since I had "obviously gained some weight during pregnancy..." Again, you do not scream at an officer "So you're saying I broke my foot because I have a fat ass?" but I am not sure what my face must have looked like when I said "Actually I've lost weight..." and the look of absolute SHOCK on his made me want to fall into a hole in the ground, despite the fact that he quickly tried to cover it up with "Oh, well that's great!" He must not have have a wife or daughters.

He had to make some phone calls up to the Baby Doctors to make sure that I was safe for an x-ray at 33 weeks, and once it was determined that it WAS, we headed down to the Radiology people...who are the same people where I had my terrible ultrasound experience. Still, this was just an x-ray, how bad could it be? (Why do I even ASK that anymore?)

The woman who checked me in smiled at my stomach and asked how I was feeling, and made sure that the doctor had checked that the x-ray was okay, so obviously SHE could tell I was pregnant...but the young man who walked me back was clearly not clued in. First of all, he acted like we were walking a timed marathon! Had I been able to, I would have been jogging to keep up...as it was I just waddled in fast motion, amusing myself by imagining what I must look like trying to keep up with him. (I was still a good 20 feet back when he arrived at the x-ray room.) As we walked in he gave me the speal about where to sit and then asked "Is there any chance you might be pregnant?" By this point I was not feeling very gracious and I responded with "Well YEAH.", to which he goes "You could be?" and I snapped back "Seriously?" while pointing to my OBVIOUSLY swollen stomach and giving him a Look. I felt a little bad at his sheepish smile, but stopped feeling bad when he told me that we couldn't do the x-ray then. I informed him that it had been okayed by the baby people upstairs and that I was almost 33 weeks along, and he ran off to double check.

Again, I got okayed, and he said we would just double shield me, though I had to sign a little thing saying that I "might' be pregnant and understood the risk. Well, my oh-so-polite ultrasound tech was the one assisting him with x-rays, (she was a complete bee with a itch last time with absolutely no bedside manner, and nothing seems to have changed) and when I commented that I figured there wasn't much more of a risk to the baby than to me at this point (since the baby is pretty much developed now, and is just putting on some extra weight and working out his/her little lungs), she cheerfully told me that I was wrong. The baby is still developing it's brain and reproductive organs and all that very important stuff, which makes this a MUCH larger risk to my child than to me...Though not much more of a risk than if I had spent a week out in the sun. I countered that since the baby doctors had okayed it, I wasn't too worried since they knew what they were doing...to which she SNORTED and said "Yeah...right" before stalking back to the little room where they get all the slides ready. So, I guess in 30 years if my child can't reproduce, it's my fault.

They wanted x-rays with weight on my foot, so I was going to be standing. This seems very easy, until they put 2 lead aprons on. Now, I'm not complaining about this part, since it was for the baby's safety...but if you've ever been pregnant, you know that you already feel a little off centered and front heavy by 33 weeks...add two heavy lead aprons and I was pretty sure I was going to fall forward on my face again! (I didn't, but I ALMOST did.) They took 2 and then had me walk up a 3 stair platform to get my last. Walking up was not so bad, but walking down with both baby and lead vests pulling me forward was amusing to say the least.

When I put all of it together in my mind as I put back on my shoe, (an operation that I huffed and puffed through, as I can't bend over that far anymore...Michael has had to tie my sneakers for the last week or so...it's very humbling to have to ask your husband to help you put on your shoes) I was very happy to get out of there and waddled quickly back to Michael in the waiting room, where I informed him (probably a little louder than I should have) that the hospital was full of monkeys for doctors and demanded that he tell me if I really just looked like a morbidly obese woman instead of a beautifully glowing pregnant one!!! He had the audacity (or perhaps bravery, I was a little too emotional to tell) to look amused, though he assured me through his smirk that HE thought I looked pregnant and not just really, REALLY fat! To be honest though, to say anything else would have been a risk to his life I'm not sure he would have taken.

All in all, I was quite glad to get home, and have no intention of leaving again until the baby is 6 months old and I am back to looking just a bit fluffy...or better, since I HAVE lost weight!

Honestly, I know I will look back on this and laugh...one day. Today, it was just knock after knock on my self-esteem, and I don't feel any pregnant woman needs that 7 weeks from delivery. I'm actually looking forward to my OB appointment on Wednesday, as those people will KNOW I'm pregnant and not just TERRIBLY fat!!!

Thanks for Reading!

Notice of Eviction

Eviction Notice

Pursuant to the provisions of this pregnancy, you are hereby given an eviction notice and notice to vacate, on or before April, 14, 2009, the premises and appurtenances owned by Mommy, which premises are now occupied by you.

The reason for this eviction notice is:

The current tenant has 60 days to gather his/her belongings and vacate the premises. After which she/he will be physically removed from the property. Occupant is being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the front of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made.

Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. Due to property damage caused by these unapproved renovations, there are now leaks in both the upper and lower levels of the home.

On top of which, the landlord has received numerous complaints about nightly disturbances.

After 60 days from this day if you don't comply with this notice it will result in immediate and forceful removal at my discretion.

Dated: February, 13, 2009

So Sick...

...of people! Not so much the people, but the stupid things people seem to say without thinking about it at all! I mean, there are the obvious...like I don't want to hear "Oh my, look how big you're getting!!! You're going to be huge by April!" or "It's going to hurt soooo much! You'd better get an epi!"

The thing really bothering me at the moment though is everyone having an opinion on my baby shower, or lack there of.

With my husband being in the Air Force, we are about 2,000 miles away from home right now, and have not had the finances or opportunity to take a trip home during the pregnancy. Had we been closer to home, the issue with a shower would have been people fighting over who got to throw it, (It's the first grandchild on my side and a miracle on both sides, since we were very likely never supposed to get pregnant.) but out here I've had everyone asking me about it for months, but no one to throw it for me. It is 2009, so I had decided to throw etiquette out the window and try to organize it with the help of my husband. (We had planned on a co-ed shower since a good number of our friends are men.)

Well, we just can't do it. Between the issue of where to have it and other baby related things we need to spend money on, not to mention the pure amount of energy and time that goes into planing something like that, (and I am short on both at the moment.) we just aren't going to be able to swing it. I have been telling people this for quite awhile now, trying to prepare them and hoping that letting them know that I just can't do it on top of everything else will mean they will stop asking. After all, it makes me feel like absolute shit that my first child won't have a baby shower because we're 2,000 miles away from anyone who we're close enough to that might throw us one.

Instead of people letting it go though, I've just been bombarded with "Well, can't you do this?" and "Surely you could afford to do that!" and pressure from nearly every side to somehow make it work. Perhaps people are just trying to be helpful, but the reality is that it just makes me feel that everyone wants an excuse to have a party and expects me to throw it, and I just find myself wanting to scream at them "If you want the damn shower so much, how about you be a friend and plan the damn thing?!!!" After all, it is not like my husband and I have not done favors for and been good friends to other people, and all I'm getting from everyone is that they want me to have a shower, but no one wants to actually be the one to throw it.

Almost worse than the people who just don't seem to get that I can't financially, emotionally or physically plan a shower right now, are the people who act like I have no right to be disappointed and say "Oh well, you can just have one next time!" Now, I don't know how most people feel about their showers, since this is my first child, but the shower is not for ME. It's a celebration for my baby and for my miracle pregnancy, which means I can't just "have one next time". There won't be a next time!!! This is the only time I will be pregnant with this child and my first pregnancy. Yes, I could have a shower for my next child, but it's not like it will be some replacement for the fact that I didn't get to have a shower with this one. It will be a celebration of my next child, and I will still have missed out on the shower to celebrate my first. And I have the right to be disappointed about that! I'm not moping around or griping about it to strangers on the street, but I do feel that I have the right to feel a little let down and the right to blog about it if I so wish to vent my feelings that way. If people don't like it, they don't have to read, but I certainly don't need comments about how I shouldn't be upset or how I can just make up for it "next time".

Not to mention, I might never get this chance again. I know that some women take for granted their ability to get pregnant...After all, some of them seem to need only to look at their husbands to end up popping out another child. For me though, I can't take any pregnancy lightly or assume that I will have another chance at it. Medical science still can not explain how my body managed to get pregnant, much less sustain it this long. God has blessed us with this child, but that does not mean He'll see fit to do so again. After all, there are thousands of couples out there who would make amazing parents that never get blessed with a pregnancy, so I think it would be pretty cocky of me to assume that because I was blessed with this one I will be blessed again. I obviously hope, but to just take it as a given seems to me to be terribly ungrateful for this blessing, and I will not throw such a gift back into God's face. The notion that keeps getting thrown into my face of "next time" is simply annoying and makes me feel like people honestly don't understand what it's like to relish every moment of a thing, and every experience, because it might never pass your way again. I don't think for a minute that my friends understand how hurt I feel when they start throwing around "next time" and "no big deal", because I don't think any of them would try to hurt me intentionally, but I wish that people would stop and think before they let things come flying out of their mouth. I know that I try to when I am am talking to people about what could be a sensitive subject, and the baby shower (while it might seem petty) and pregnancy certainly is that to me.

Even if getting pregnant for me was just as easy as drinking water, I still feel to talk about "next time" so casually is like throwing one of life's greatest blessings aside like a used tissue. If I knew for sure that I would get pregnant again and be able to have many more children, I would still feel disappointed that I am going to miss out on the shower for this child this time...It is a little thing, and will not matter in the end when I am holding my perfect little miracle in my arms, but I am still entitled to feel disappointment, and am sick of people acting like I am not.

I know that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is mine...

Think before you speak, especially when you are talking to the conflicting and volatile ball of emotions and hormones that is a pregnant woman.

Thanks for reading!

My First...A Preview

I suppose I should have done this months ago, but who has the time? I've been so busy with baby preparations and worries that the 30 week point has crept up on me before I knew it!

Yes, here I am, 30 weeks and a bit...which leaves me at less than 10 weeks until our child is set to arrive. While every baby is certainly a miracle, I feel that mine is one of the most amazing blessings in life, possibly because the doctors left me little hope that my husband and I would ever conceive naturally.

I'm a natural blogger...I'm a natural writer, and blogging is just another outlet for that. I blog constantly, but I wanted to start a blog that is 100% devoted to my life and thoughts as a Mommy. There has been so much running through my head and mind these last 30 weeks that I would like to write about and share with others, and this is my opportunity!

I hope to write often, and hope that others will enjoy, or at least be amused, by my attempts to express my feelings adequately through the limitations of the English language.

Thanks for reading!